Evryone should know as good ramen noodle cooked in beer sounds... its not
when does it stop being whiskey dick and start just being me bad in bed?
Am I the only one creeped out by the guy asleep behind our couch?
I should have to wear a sign around the rest of the day so everyone knows the shame I feel.
I can't believe I cried over a sausage mcmuffin.
I'm currently making some changes in my life. If you don't hear from me anymore, then you're probably one of them. Or I'm dead.
You're welcome to join, but just to warn you, tequila makes my clothes disappear. And I'm telling you that as an adult to an adult, not as your supervising teacher who decides whether or not you graduate.
Why are you surprised? I've only ever liked older guys since I was a 3 yr old crushing on her pediatrician.
I know what you meant. If you want babies in time for your birthday, we gonna need either a time machine or a ski mask.
God it's like my stomach is full of drunk bees
Definitely thought about throwing up in the cat box since it's not as far to the bathroom..
Called Apple, my penis pics are safe.
Most tragic bathtub-fart of all time. I am going to be late.
No no this isn't that fun. I'm alone drinking wine and me and the dogs ran out of things to talk about around 9 am.
DONT TELL ME I CANT HAVE AN ENTIRE BOTTLE OF VODKA AT DINNER. IM AN ADULT. I PAY BILLS.
Randomize
