just dd'd my mom home while she begged me to let her drunk dial my ex, jammed out to party in the usa, and then passed the fuck out. thanks for the genes mom.
I bought a bottle of 100 proof for the storm. I am going to drink until I pass out. I'm taking bets. 1:30 pm is the over/under.
The KFC double down is way too much for a drunk. He was just staring at it in awe.
You ordered a "mcblizzard" and yelled @ the worker for false advertisement because she didn't flip your "mcblizzard" upsidedown. You wanted it free. I'd say mcdonalds daytime workers need to be trained in dealing with daytime drunks too. She didn't know what to do.
its not like she's the last girl on the planet with symmetrical breasts and great skin
You should have seen her, she looked like a skinny Jabba The Hutt
That literally makes no sense
Exactly
Hey is there a picture of me in a trash can on your phone?
He blacked out at the first bar and passed out at the second...we just carried him to bar three and four and sat him in the lounge chairs, he said we're amazing
I'm having one of my monday morning walk of shame coffees if you care to join.
totally just stole a 24 pack straight out of the miller truck
Just kidding. Don't worry, you're getting sugar and orgasms for Valentine's day.
Jesus Christ. How the fuck do you not tell someone that your wife can see on the phone bill who you text and how many times ?
I planned out my poor life choices for the weekend.
The fact that u had sex with a Disney prince blows my mind, you're my hero.
You are telling me my dick tastes like a taco supreme?
I'm saying this "taco supreme" tastes like your dick.
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