All I'm saying, is that being compared to a Muppet is not the end of the world.
what kind of morning-after breakfast implies 'thanks for the sex, but i'm not gonna call you ever again'?
Ah why did you tell everyone you dragged your sac across my face!
i just taught a 3 year ld how to do a jager bomb, i cant wait to have kids
after he handcuffed me and put me in the back seat, "Mrs. Officer" started playing, I thought maybe this could be my escape
he's gonorrhea incarnate
sorry bout that man. went out to pay the pizza boy, ended up hooking up with some random drunk girl that thought i was someone else
I want someone to sweep me off my feet and you want someone to fuck you on the kitchen table. They're both perfectly logical needs.
spring break - time to see if my two week detoxing gave my liver a chance to recover.
Note to self: don't practice nerdy white girl dance choreography in the company bathrooms no matter how nice the huge mirrors and lighting are.
Just saw a man in a motorized chair roll by drinking a beer. It's 9:45 AM. I love Louisiana.
I'm not THAT invested in seeing you to an orgasm
Fuck you know you drunk when you start signing the Masson impossjvke song to entourage yourself to pee
I couldn't even tell you how many times I've said "wrong hole" today
He was walking around and kept offering the neighbors flamingo lawn ornaments shots of vodka.
Randomize
