mutual masturbation is only cool if cash money records is involved.
Lesson learned: don't hide your vodka in your little brothers toy box.
Forever 21 now has a maternity line. Even more of an incentive for me to get pregnant at a young age.
In the middle of pouring my wine you asked me if I could hear your vibrator from my room.
I had to step in when you tried to make it rain baking powder on my sister
I held his ankles while he hung off the top bunk attempting to get my pillow that fell off.
Believe it or not, that's part of the whole 'best friend' thing. It's not just yelling at me for making you leave the club early or taking the couch bc I'm doing sex while you're doing bjs.
you put your hands over the taxi driver's eyes and shouted GUESS THE WAY TO THE CLUB
That ACT prep teacher knew i was hung. I could see it in her eyes.
party tonight. bring as many traffic cones as you can find. we need to section off the blackout drunks way better this time
Even blacked out me knows not to sleep with socks on
can we not compare my dick to a children’s folk tale
There are two guys here arguing over Pearl jam and Nirvana. 1991 wants its argument back.
Woke up snuggling with a large wooden rhino that I stole last night...obviously, we had fun.
From now on he's gonna have to shave first. It feels like I got eaten out by a chainsaw!
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