Is it a little weird that I have a ridiculous urge to have sex while the theme song to the Pirates of the Carrbibbean blares in the background?
So stoned I forgot I was masturbating and went to go get a cookie.
Don't byou dare ruin egg salad by putting your penis in it that would be so sad.
I don't know. I was also picked up by the doormen and held over the bar so I could do an upside down shot out of a bartenders tits.
I kindof just wanted to go downstairs and let his dad know how good his son was at sex
are you still mad that doritos made their way into my sex life
.....a litte
It wasn't so much skinny dipping. It more like skinny walking...through a fountain.
My mom opened up my bank statement today....my first alcohol intervention class is at 7:30am tomorrow.
I'll have party bus drop you off in the morning.
He was my first. He knew. He knew right there I was wrapped around his penis.
My bar tender texts me around 5ish and ask what I feel like, so it's ready for me when I get home. All star service.
Dude. You are the LAST person that should live above a bar.
We are all yelling at the cat at our apt in nothing but our underwear. How do you think it's going.
You know you're high when, "Why can't I steal the duck?!" Becomes a serious question.
pls come tAke this super bath no romo it's just. so nice.
I also woke up in a bed soaked of pee and drunkenly lectured him on the dangers of chewing tobacco... weird night
I was asked to be part of a mmf threesome. I think I'd rather stay home, watching Orange is the New Black and cuddle with my cat though
Randomize
