I just looked at all of our spring break pictures... there's a guy getting a blow job in the background of the ones on the beach.
i just made a "things you cannot forget to do this week just because you're high" list.
He told her hed rather go bobbing for apples in puke than have sex with her.
I am self-sufficient. I puked in a wine glass and emptied it in the trash. Points for style and neatness
Whiskey and I have a long and stories tradition of excellence
Double vision is so hot when a big dick is in sight. Thank you Bud Light.
After we were done the second time she turned to me and called me a Hardcore Armadillo. Also, her O face involves crossed eyes. You tell me.
Whos eating a bunch of acid and watching fireworks tomorrow? This guy. Thats who.
The taxi driver was going on about how many drunk chicks want to sleep with him when he drives them home. Not sure if he was bragging or hinting
Jesus horatio Christ I forgot my mittens and am considering shoving my hands down the pants of the first semi attractive man I see
WHY IS THERE NO EMOJI FOR "FUCK MY MOM JUST SAW MY SEX BRUISES?!"
Weird thing is that's not the first time I've been felt up by a Santa. Happens every year
The stripper was dressed as the green lantern. Even for a geeky girls' bachelorette party it was lame ass.
Who would you rather hang with tonight, drunk me or high me?
so i put my jacket on last night that you wore last weekend, and reach inside the pockets and find them full of goldfish...
the snack that smiles back:)
Randomize
