yeah seriously, fuck school. I'm changing my master's thesis question from "what are the neuropsychological correlates of antisocial personality" to "will my cat drink this beer"
I don't understand why we need a holiday to become more aware of boobs...
I feel as if I owe my bloodstream some tequila.
Don't make fun of the drunk girl eating bread out of her pockets. I've been that girl.
At second job interview this week. Wearing pants to hide pole dancing bruises. This my life.
I whispered "you're doing a great Job" when he was fucking me. Then high fived him.
It's like a teen mom casting at the Obgyn's office. I feel great about my positive life decisions.
Just so you know, your wedding is in the same place I gave my first bj.
He asked me if my princess crown was real and before I could say yes, he was already reaching to put it on. I'm pretending I'm asleep if he tries to have sex.
His pillow talk sucks. It was like Mr. Roger's vagina.
The guys are trying to figure out my orientation....think theyve settled on "drunksexual"
They've taken all the lighthearted fun out of S&M.
When you accidentally text the wrong guy for a dick pic and your surprised you get one In return. He just got on my "to do" list
Say whatever the fuck you want about me, but leave my deceased cat out of it.
RICK FUCKING MORANIS!!!!!
Randomize
