it's like sucking your thumb. only its not yours. and its a penis.
shes trying to light up her bowl in front of the fan. everytime it blows it out she just gives it a dirty look.
Knee deep in strippers, everything is comped. will try hard to be there at 8. i promise.
bring the vodka.
i thought we were going to mcdonalds..?
we are.
The lid of our salsa is promoting a contest that ended in July '09
You were fucking on a porch at a party, not much privacy should be expected
Oh you know, we just bobbed for apples in a bucket full of jungle juice. So, a casual Tuesday night.
Dude we both faced 40s of steel reserve which is like saying, "Hey, I'm a complete piece of shit!"
Omg how many tall cans is too many tall cans for 1 pm
Made eye contact with his twin sister the day after he gave me a lifechanging blowjob. Do you think she knows?
I just got a free round of shots. Don't you DARE fuckin tell me that A-cup boobs can't get you good things.
I'm floating on a 30mph cloud right now not giving a fuck
He grabbed a pine cone off the ground and yelled "I love cigars" then tried to smoke it for ten minutes.
We had a pink drink in honor of my underwear and apparently I made out with our bartender... a few times
when your dumb AF ex “accidentally” venmos you $50 and texts you asking for it back..... —sorry I accidentally deleted your number and cashed out
Randomize
