I just tried to unlock my house with the car remote
I don't care where my tongue is but i t's going to be in all the pictures.
I just saw a girl in Albersons in spandex and curlers buying PBR. Only PBR.
I need to stop drinking. Side note- we have a party bus tonight. So the drinking will have to end after that
i left the icescrapper in his bathroom. i dont remember taking it there, but i remember brushing his hair with it.
going to a night class in lingerie so i can quickly go to his house after.
the scent of your tears make me crave pizza
I'm not about to serve this country to fuckin not have rum and cheezits for breakfast
Remember when we saw my neighbor taking dick pics of himself? He's back at it!
The ketchup exploded, and totally splooged his face and the wall. You could see the outline of his head in the wall splatter.
Thats just a parental red flag. They have been brainwashed. Lets baptize them into the church of PBR
I had to rename my dildo. I met a little kid who named his teddy bear the same name. It just felt wrong.
i just added a shot of fireball to my iced coffee. goodbye sobriety.
I got pulled over by the same cop in a 4.5 hour window. Got off both times. Fuck yes.
I just made out with his twin, technically it's the same person..... Right?
Randomize
