Wait. When you mean sick you mean a cold sick right ? not something else.
she really just asked how mermaids reproduce.
I already brushed my teeth, and it's not even noon yet. Today's going to be a productive day.
They were fighting, but then they bumped into the bong and it shattered. After that they just hugged and cried.
You said that my dog would "complete your puzzle" then you got naked and took it behind the bar
So basically, I've just woken up in another random bed and I go to get my pants and he's wearing them. Like my underwear is in them... What the fuck is wrong with my life?
I swear 95% of pictures on my phone are from drunken nights I don't remember with me doing a peace sign alone in somebody's bedroom.
I still can't believe he came down from his hiding place in the tree voluntarily because he didn't want us to have to talk to the cops alone...
I found three vicadin and a pint of fireball with the note. In case of emergency drink me under their sink.
I told her I didn't have a condom. She then sized me with her thumb and finger and tossed me a large. Then I asked her to marry me.
who sends a dick pic at 3 am on a sunday honestly
seriously. and now it'll take him hours to clean up the glitter
I sense naked hashbrown eating in my near future.
Never in my life did I think i would give a blow job in the bathroom of my old elementary school. Twice.
We probably are going to die. So. Thanks for agreeing to be my Maid of Honor even though I torture you.
If you find me in the bathroom in a fetal position, licking frozen bacon .. I might have Drank a little too much.
Randomize
