Woke up with a retainer in my boxers and about ten chicks passed out around me. now I feel like something out of Cinderella, trying to find whose teeth fit in the glass retainer.
its like they have never seen someone walk through campus with a plunger
They only remember me when they're drunk...I'm like a suppressed memory.
Would you like me to write a persuasive essay on how you should let me suck your dick?
Somehow I gave him blood blisters on his dick...I don't know if I'm that good or that bad.
I am NOT getting arrested in a wig.
Her boyfriend was hitting on other girls while drunk. But, she said she was okay with it because she is a feminist and she supports all women's decisions.
She was kinda cute. So long as you don't mind neck tattoos and bad life choices.
We finally have the house to ourselves and your out playing Lance Fucking Armstrong
Happy meals everywhere. I think Ronald McDonald Claus visited.
I need drugs. Hard drugs. Today. Not tomorrow. Today. Something relaxing.
Visibly drunk girl eating alone at a souplantation just spilled salad all over her body. It was me
I'm done being drunk I wish I could snap my fingers and be sober
just had sex in the back of my high school auditorium #dreamcumtrue
I guess I was running around slapping people in the face with a slice of turkey telling them that the only way to beat alcohol addiction is to go cold turkey.
Randomize
