i was so high i thought his mole came off and was flying around
A guy on the street just growled at me and said damnnnn. Sometimes it scares me how attractive i am.
Is it weird I want to fuck the cartoon chick from e-surance??
I just introduced him to multiple male orgasms. I love wine AND tequila
on a brighter note, the strip club found my atm card
she always winds up in the cupboards its nothing new.
Ripped lines in the bathroom before my presentation.. Got bonus marks for my enthusiasm.. This is why I love drugs
Woke up Christmas Eve morning with my face smelling like ballsack.. No regrets.
Just Everbombed a Guiness to make up for cutting out early last night. Also the Mars probe. Happy birthday motherfucker!
I think I fell asleep on the dance floor at one point...but played it off cool and acted like I just did the robot.
I never thought I'd say this but there's too many dicks around here.
Although the guy I'm messing around with just offered to let me be his rich brother's sugar baby
Why is everyone giving me a hard time for drinking?!
Your in the library.
Although, she is an extremely cool person. She put the "buddy" in "fuck buddy." And I mean that in the most respectful way possible.
According to the office gossip the new secretary is “a homewrecking whore”. Think I should spend $27 on a fake wedding ring?
Yes! Want that picture of you and my nephew?
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