just so you know, the uglier twin gives better bjs..don't be deceived
you just can't say no to drugs on a mirrored table.
i woke up and my collection of plastic neon wayfarers were half-melted in the microwave. my drunk self hates my hipster self
my way of studying for our final tomorrow: registering online to retake the class in the fall
how do i say "thank you for the blowjob, but never talk to me again" without crushing her?
professor came back from spring break missing a tooth
check off brunette on the list of girls tht hit me with there cars and then fucked me later
bleeding from the face, sitting in a shopping cart and holding a wad of ripped caution tape. what else would i be doing?
Bad news: I found out that girl you want has a boyfriend. Good news: she'll probably cheat on him with you. Better news: after seeing the way she treats him, that's the most interaction you're going to want with her anyway. Trust me.
You handed J your Mayan-pocalypse shopping list and told him he wasn't getting laid unless he brought everything on it. Where is he supposed to get a live goat?!
I climbed out a window to pee last night because i thought i was locked in the room... Then crawled back in and went to bed. The poor neighbors.
You had sex with a guy who has a purple beard last night. No Molly for a while, ok?
I just saw a cat, if i ate those mushrooms 15 minutes earlier i wouldn't have made it to the bar
uh...sober saturday NEVER has a good ring to it.
We kicked down a door together last night, pretty sure that qualifies us as best friends.
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