Don't feel too badly. Until twenty minutes ago my paper was a heading and a pizza order.
sometimes you just have to pull up your panties, blow a kiss to the security camera and walk out of the alley like nothing happened.
I'm not sure...it could be the pasta I ate from her sink, the dominoes, or just the alcohol. Or a wicked combination of all 3.
Please tell me this is my four loko that I just woke up in....
They seemed upset when they walked out and saw a penis in a mouth
i ordered 6 shots "to go" what did you think was going to happen!
I feel like despite his sleaziness I could be friends with this man. he just sent me a picture of his dog's balls.
Drunkenly tried to auction off Merik's pancakes at Ihop. Apparently I make a great auctioneer. Also, no one wants 30 cent pancakes.
I feel like my body was put in a dryer with rocks set on permanent press.
She told me she brought a guy home but that he looked pickled. And no, that's not an autocorrect.
Hahahah pickled
I asked her what she meant and she said that he looked like he had soaked in water.
I just set an alarm for 5 am tomorrow morning titled "Wake and Bake Its Christmas motherfucker"
It's a family event: you have to drink. No way around it. Its the law.
Ahhh the shame of taking out my recycling
Damn that sucks I haven't needed pants the whole time i've been here
Very mixed signals tonight. He gave me the best handjob while gloating about the Superbowl to his dad on the phone. When he was done he left me on the sofa alone for ten minutes before returning with wet wipes beer and nachos.
Randomize
