Yea I just took my 1st pregnancy test. Turns out I am just fat. Also I haven't been with anyone in 3 months, which is clearly making me crazy.
I told her I was horny and she said to forget it because she has vagina drama.
WHAT IN THE HELL IS VAGINA DRAMA?!
The only thing I can remember you saying is "I won't cut pizza like this when I'm older."
drunk me is my new role model. he's fearless. like not even afraid of tornadoes.
Your roommates boyfriend just approached me while I was working to tell me about the staph infection he got on his face. Where do you find these people?
Basically as long as the fan is pointed at my vagina i can cool off enough to sleep.
Someone just told me I could double date with them and their dog as my date. This is why the suicide rates are so high at the holidays.
Food lion is just a portal. Cheetos are the goal. Its like not banging a super hot chick cause she is french. She still has the same parts just from a different box.
Now I am going to fly my toy helicopter in the dark.
Yes but funny for a 45 year old hell bent on reliving her college days by giving body shots and hand jobs. Not necessarily in that order
Woke up this morning with a darth vader helmet and a bath robe on with my toenails shitly painted
There is a time and place for BDSM, in-between disney sing-alongs is not one of them.
That shit was hard as fuck. It felt like a mountain entering my vagina.
My husband just came over to kiss me and said, "careful, I got a block of cream cheese in my pocket"
You told his date she had the tits to be a stripper and the personality to be the pole. Of course he's pissed off.
It's like the perfect sandwich, once you find it you want to ensure your future access to it.
Randomize
