when I picked him up he smelled like cheeseburgers, had a bite mark around his left nipple and we think someone stabbed him in the forehead with a pencil... it was like the Hangover meets Texas Chainsaw Massacre
In case you were wondering, it hurts when the bouncer throws your phone at you after kicking you out of the strip club for taking pictures.
Remember that foreign guy who never talked last night? He just came out of my bathroom when I woke up.
Just had to throw up on the floor of my car during traffic on the way to work. Car next to me saw both times. Found the downside to having a job right after graduation.
for breakfast I had vodka and flavor blasted goldfish. and I'm topless.
what the fuck is a social media consultant, who does she consult for, and how bad is she at it? her facebook account is currently hacked and posting ads for the ipad 2 on my newsfeed
Also while I am being the bigger person I plan on bringing over something strong smelling and/or alcoholic to torture the poor hungover bastard
Just heard the words 'Pussy Riot' on NPR...I almost crashed my car.
The realization of how permanent those tattoos really were set in this morning... I am SO sorry.
He went 'unicorn hunting' and lost a fight with a fence. That's how he ended up in the ER.
oh you know, the usual stuff. getting kicked out of bars and sleeping in cars.
Yep, that just happened. My mom just gave me a big bag of drugs for my birthday. She even put them in a fancy bag with tissue paper.
Ok you had this coming you put a sponsored filter on a dick pic
You use your abs way more than I realized. Btw multiple orgasms is the best thing I've ever discovered.
Last time I was blackout at Cowbells I was running around screaming “WHERES THE BLOOOWWWW”
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