Apparently you make a good broom.
i'll give you all the meat in my fridge in exchange for 2 condoms.
bro...we were banging on her floor and her dog walked in and started licking my balls
you kept talking about how hot andy milinakis is and the things you would do with him. no more tequila from him.
This dude is being a total douche
Just because it's Christmas Eve does not mean the liquor store has to give you a free bottle of peppermint schnapps
This is your morning news. Today at 5 pm I will be going out of town until the 29th. If you would like some great sex before I leave, please contact me. The available packages are: a house call, an outdoor excursion, or a delivery style in-car quickie. available only while supplies last.
We were naked in bed for hours and we didn't have sex. Either he's gay or he wants to respect me. Neither of which I approve of.
Hi, this is a test of the morning after apology broadcast system. If you're receiving this pre-recorded message there is a high probability I was a dickwad to you in the past 24 hours. You have my utmost and sincere apologies. Also if you have my wallet, house key, left converse, or lighter, give them/it back
Reunion weekend was a success. Had 3 ex's inside my vag. Hat trick!
Yeah! I was just fired because there was an over hire and the new girl is hotter than me. Seeing as how the new girl is my baby sister I think punching my manager is excusable.
Before you jump in that vagina remember there's a reason we call her Infectonator.
Always keep a stash of tequila in your work desk. That is like adulting 101.
All she said to me before going to get another shot was "Damn, I'd eat her out."
I woke up in the bathroom clutching a stuffed shark. My night was fantastic, thanks for asking.
Emergency thong? Check! Suspension bondage is a go!
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