i thought she was just hairy. i didn't know she was also a man.
You screamed, "I am going to fuck this cheeseburger". They all started laughing until you actually started having sex with the cheeseburger.
So my Christmas cards this year will be my mug shot with my kids face photo shopped next to me....too ghetto?
She smells like mac and cheese, right after you add the cheese. It's strangely erotic.
Theres someone in the car behind me eating corn on the cob & talking on the phone
When i asked him what happened all he said was, the toucan... the toucan... over and over again.
I'm sorry, our booty call lines closed at 2 am. If you are receiving this message it is our off hours. Please try again between the hours of 12pm and 2 am to reschedule your booty call. Thank you for your cooperation.
Competitive oral. I'm always telling girls they are only the fourth, maybe third, best blowjob I've had. They go back down with something to prove.
i came outside and he was eating her out on my lawn. i refuse to pick up the dog shit in my yard so i hope he chose the spot wisely
My day went from bad to worse when I realized I puked out my second floor window last night.
just got permission to expense a nerf gun
But I've also made plans to crash a black tie event wearing a storm trooper helmet. I think I've found the love of my life..
I wouldn't marry anyone who wouldn't symbolically fuck a doughnut with a sausage though.
Twist bend and done? Jesus that sounds like a seventh grade hand job.
Crying into a glass of wine at 10 am isn't exactly how I planned this day to go
Randomize
