You should swallow it and be like the ticking crocodile. Only you play Still of the Night.
for halloween i should be pregnant. what is scarier than that?!
can't wait for January to be Over so I don't have to see all the fat resolutionists working out.
...that's why he's not doing anything with his life except breeding geckos
He just came into the room wearing nothing but a Speed Racer helmet. I think he just invented a fetish.
after tonight, seriously nothing could taste better than toothpaste
Can we do a version of last night where I actually remember shit?
Tonight, a friend walked in and said "oh look at that. Drunk on the living room floor. Just as expected." this is my life. This is my life.
my drivers license is super glued to my shoulder and im to hung over to get it off come and help me
I don't want anything calamari shaped after last night. But I appreciate the Cheerios offer.
Also, I just opened Google to find the lyrics to California Gurls. Karaoke night did us dirty.
Handcuffs. Recoverd. I'm a goddamn detective.
You had to dry your pants with the hand dryer in the bathroom because you "forgot to take it out."
I need a hoe opinion
go on
I’m photoshopping my boobs to up my Tinder game. I need better dick in 2020
Randomize
