I forgot i ate a salad for dinner, so while i was barfing in his toilet, i kept screaming "i ate leaves?? i cant believe you let me eat leaves!"
I'm naming my child veloci raptor. And you can be a part of its life if you want. But that's its name. Cause i have the vagina.
I love family holidays its the only time when playing beer pong, and smoking hookah with my family isnt looked down upon
And I know a few people wouldnt want to even be around high people. Which is sad. But jet packs are cool.
Company party. Just told vp "you look like a cat person"
She didn't even ask about the dinosaur pinata in my trunk. Like at this point I think these are the things she expects from me
and he's drinking a bud lime in his profile pic meaning i can out drink him, meaning i would clearly be the alpha in our relationship
White grape blunt wraps are like the equivalent of a glass of wine in a tux.
That's the first time I've ever heard something that tickled both my gag reflex and my penis simultaneously.
Plan: drunk dancing. Reality: drunk almost getting in fights with people that could beat me into the ground.
Thats the last time im "arresting" you to get out of paying your bar tab.
What?! The only reason I married your sister is to have a Cop in the family!
My night started to turn around the time I started calling her a "raggedy cunt".
Somehow she got that I meant it as a term of endearment.
Seriously. All I want right now is a 40 with a nipple on it, and a nap
She flashed us last time and pissed all over the floor this time. I'm scared to invite her back.
Want to have dinner and we can talk about how my vagina can make you feel better?
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