This kid is drunk.
I hope by "this kid" you mean yourself and not some child you have kidnapped and gotten wasted.
Where else am I to apply my creativity?
I don't know. Anywhere productive and not involving sex toys would be a start.
I was told u were the one who could explain to me why i woke up in the running shower, still in my dress and heels
I've never played a more sexually-tense game of Uno in my life.
At the hospital. Forgot we locked Eric out of the house last night as a joke. Hypothermia's a bitch.
she was puking red wine out the car window, telling me about how shes joining weight watchers tomorrow, not okay.
well i just got discharged from the hospital after getting pegged in the head by a t-shirt gun so thats how my night was.
I woke up at 6am to a knock and a naked guy at my window.
Just pulled a muscle trying to take a naked pic. I think it's time to start working out again.
He said I showed up in just my underwear and a bunch of towels I stole from the party I was at.
Sorry I crashed a riding mower into your garage door. No hard feelings??
I'm not gonna ask the guy I've fucked like 3 times if he is insecure about his eyebrows.
So I'm hiding in my bathroom smoking bowls because my landlords kids came over to visit my dog... My life has reached a new low
I'm not gonna lie. I need sex like plants need water right now. I just need the dick.
We had sex in Lake Michigan for an hour Sunday.
Thanks for ruining an entire lake for me. I hate you so much right now.
Randomize
