Why is there a living, breathing cow on your front porch?
Thats cool. we found a cat INSIDE a coke machine.
I just busted my ass on the ice in front of my entire AA meeting. As if being there wasn't embarrassing enough.
I need a DD tuesday morning around 9 AM
I'm scared to ask why.....
1st bikini wax. Jose Cuervo is helping me prepare.
when we woke up the fish was dead lying next to us on the bed. wat should i tell her
just woke up in my car, in front of the bar. Took me 10 minutes to find my keys which were about 10 yards away in a bush. According to my phone records, I called my ex 14 times last night. Breakfast?
HOW DID YOU GET DEPORTED FROM THE BAHAMAS
I'm still drunk. it's summer. I just need a hot dog and an aspirin.
He needs to seriously stop texting me at 3am for sex. Late night and early morning hours are for the guys who DON'T bust a nut in the first 5 minutes of making out.
Yeah minute men are best for late afternoons when you're inbetween running errands and have nothing to do.
There are both cum and chocolate stains on my sheets. Can't decide whether this is a new low or a new high.
He invited to drink but spelled forties wrong so no thx
I just masturbated to the thought of him straight up talking to me. to us having a conversation. What the hell.
I need a guy who can see in me what the lesbian community sees in me
You have a husband. I have a bag full of electronics. This, is the single life.
Idk if I want to put a bra on
Randomize
