Well my night just got interesting. I just home from the police station. Hope you had a fun night out!
Just joined the godiva rewards club. Who's the fat friend now.
The second he texted me with "*dry humps you!*" I knew any relationship we might have had was over.
plan parent hood is for high school, im at the abortion clinic, so college.
she said, "is it ok if I touch it?" that's when I knew I was in trouble... I knew she was a virgin but seriously..
Just saw a field sobriety test being administered at 730 am, I now know I do not have a drinking problem
do you think its obvious that we spent all afternoon playing naked body oil twister?
I ended up passing out on the shitter for like an hour with mcds smoothie all over my face
How do I tell your little brother I lost my virginity wearing nothing but his socks?
Formal letter or email.
I'm going to take a nap so I don't feel like a stripper sneezed in my mouth tomorrow morning at work.
we broke the bed, curtan rods, a dresser drawer, and unless I didn't notice it before, we put a hole in the wall. This is why he and I have to fuck in motels.
I'm high, watching "Scream" and eating a grilled cheese sandwich off my boobs. I'm not going anywhere
Come on, clusterfuck. Put on a pushup bra and get your fine ass to the bar, or you will be a sad single stoner forever
If TJ is short for Trader Joe, I'm gonna fuck him
Having to crawl on my hands and knees because I woke up with a mysterious broken foot this morning...
When he busted out the ketchup I got the hell out of there. It got really creepy really fast.
Randomize
