How many times do you have to sleep with a guy before you get him to kiss you???
he just texted me two pictures of his dick. i feel i should rethink whatever vibe im obviously giving out
so is it as big as he says?
he put a tube of toothpaste next to it as a reference. it looks legit
In America we eat man semen.
We pay for beer, you give birth. It's how the world works.
Did you see the soccer ref give that girl the red card as she was being kicked out of the party?
id like to point out that while i was just peeing a condom fell out of my vag.
I mean this holiday was built on cheap beer, shitty whisky, and processed meat... and I fully plan to honor that
just ran into a kid I used to hook up with while wearing his shirt. Only me. I tried to pretend like it wasn't his but it said his name on the back so I wasn't winning that.
im standing in line right now while the 711 manager calls other locations to see if they have the john cena collectors slurpee cup in stock...yep i need to get laid
who was wearing the fake mustache? I just found one in my cleavage
I'm missing a sock, a boot, and antlers. We need to get on that.
I just woke up on my neighbors floor with my boots on, but no pants. I have 3 separate taco bell receipts in my pocket.
I only drink at bars with bathrooms big enough to have sex in.
Three times. Three times I left home yesterday in search for sex, and three times I returned un-orgasmed.
Drunk within and hour of coming home from work, merry christmas bitch
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