i'm sure her mom would have loved to find out her daughter has herpes via facebook
i remember too much of last night for it to have been successful
dunno man, last I saw him he bet me he could eat more ranch the me, then ran off
we are sitting in a kindergarden classroom alone chugging beer. look at our lives. look at our choices.
It's what America was founded on: former hookups referring you for a job four years later.
And if it was a miscarriage you should figure out whose it was. He must be an alphamale for his offspring to sustain life this long in the amusement park that is your body
I am eating deep fried cinnamon rolls and I found a lighter in my sprinkles. I miss you.
We let him drunkenly pack his own bags without checking them. Yet no one was surprised when the TSA girl pulled a 12 pack out of his carry on.
Question. Was fucking Laura an entirely regrettable decision?
like...quickly.
there are no losers in shot checkers. only winners.
it's gotten to the point where I just look in my closet, think, "which article of clothing behaves most like a towel?" and then just go with that
We can't shop at Hobby Lobby anymore. They don't like Plan B which basically runs through our veins.
He had to put his grandma's photo away before I tied him to the bed. She doesn't need to see any of that.
Date with Air Force guy was nice btw. And for my next trick I'll talk him into fucking me in his fighter jet at 30,000 ft.
This year my vagina is giving thanks that several of my cubs are coming home for the holiday
Randomize
