I chose taco bell over sex...
good choice.
theyre just this beautiful family of functioning alcoholics. i want them to adopt me.
he was pretty good aside from the whole putting his tongue on my butt thing
No. one of us needs a degree and I am already the alcoholic friend. I can't do everything
we were on a sandy mattress. i was wearing a sweatshirt with a poodle on it and eating a whopper jr. i wouldn't have fucked me either.
They called it unicorn pee, and i thought that was interesting so i drank it. Please don't let me drink strangers booze again.
You will never truly trust yourself until you have shaved your armpits, legs, and vagina in the dark.
If it makes you feel any better, I had my finger up some guy's butt today... Dominatrix training, ya know...
The drug dealer had chickens in his house so I know it was good stuff.
The guy I brought home last night made a speedy escape while I was in the bathroom. The only trace I found of his flight was a lone sock on the stairs.... It was like a whorey low budget Cinderella
I woke up to the sound of him repeatedly tapping out SOS in Morse Code using his hard cock.
How do you initiate sexting are u supposed to be like yo I'm peeing and eating a clif bar and texting and thinking about you naked all at the same time
Apparently I'm a "fire hazard"
U know this is gone far when im in the bathroom trying to take a pic of my asshole
we used a blowdryer last night to warm up our left over pizza..it worked perfectly at first..but then the chili powder got into his eyes..
Randomize
