nothing tight i'm going to stuff myself with food and alchy
Omg I just drooled on the screen of my phone from smiling with my mouth open while textin bahahahaahah
so it turns out you can rearrange the letters in "scottsdale" to spell "milf city." who knew?
"I want to just tie you up so you\'ll still be here like this when I get home." Actual words.
got arrested for "breaking and entering" last night when i supposedly went into the wrong house made a sandwich and tried jerking off to porn on the tv...the cops told me they came in while my dick was out...oh and i missed work this morning and got fired
We dont have to go to dinner or anything gay like that. I just wanna do it.
I absolutely love you.
who's fault is it that she tells me today she is only 16 because i definately met her at the bar...
well most of my day revolves around power hour
I don't know how much more of summer my liver can take.
get to allyx's house asap
Ok is everything ok
Yeah, theres just lesbians
omg yes on my way
You kept saying thank you to the automatic toilet as it flushed your puke.
I'm assuming the reason my elbow is so sore has something to do with all the broken shot glasses eh?
Yep
Have you ever seen death before? Bc it's me right now in yesterday's clothes.
so I just realized.. of my 70k student loan debt, most of it went toward bar tabs, eightballs, and sweet-ass ties to wear to gamedays and other people's weddings. I think about shit like this while I'm at my mid-level management position. you know. "working."
Look upon your future, America, and despair.
It wasn't as awesome as they lead everyone to believe. No stripper. Ran out of booze. The chipmunk. He was real.
Randomize
