I was excited because I thought I didn't have to tell you about the crabs, but surprise! You got em!
better yet, through the bookshelves. like an intellectual glory hole
She wrote me a poem titled "Penis Flower" and it wasnt a joke
Just heard the garage door open and I immediately sprinted to the laptop to erase history, even though I haven't watched porn today...I believe Pavlov now.
Just saw a girl leaving CVS on her bike with a case of beer. She tried to ride one handed with the case under her other arm and fell over off the sidewalk. I'm glad to see someone else's life is a bigger joke than mine.
I want Paula Dean to narrate shark week next year
I made out with a bride-to-be last night at the bar. Jesus died for our sins right?
Hope your thanksgiving is a complete blowjob festival.
i get drunk faster, i spend less money on food, and i'm losing a shit ton of weight. depression and its pills are doing wonders for me
if i ever get hit by a car or something and become paralyzed promise me youll still be here to hand feed me shots and light my bowls please
I plan on just grabbing someone's dick if I have to. They will know what's up. Why else do you go to a bar alone on valentines day?
I asked him if we could hang out sometime when we weren't hammered. He said he'd email me his number... that's when I knew I was going to die alone
I have commenced my lesbian college experimentation. Wish me luck
ditto.
about cumming, not toast
We couldnt find you anywhere and when you finally answered your phone all you said was "im safe"
Randomize
