We were drinking cognac with TAB. I felt like trailer park royalty.
his semen tasted like maple syrup. no wonder fat girls always wanna fuck him.
Some dude just came up to me and stroked my beard, smiled and left. Shave?
Kayla got stiches in her face. Rode in an ambulance shotgun. Tried to steal a baby, thought it was mine
Just a heads up, the coffee pot is filled with Jager.
Dude she looks like a female richard gere plus 400 pounds.
3 a.m. laundry plus 100 proof peppermint schnapps does not turn out well. Not only is there a puddle of detergent outside the laundry room that I spilled, but my clothes were found in the dryer wit a box of Franzia and a 40. Good thing I was too drunk to turn it on.
do you remember when we thought we were both knocked up by the same guy like two days apart and would have half twins? Thats a best friend moment.
So apparently using the emergency exit of the bar as a bathroom is frowned upon in this establishment...
Got head at the top of a water slide over-looking the valley while wearing a sombrero and drinking a corona. Epic.
Idk I've been drinking all day and they're having me blow shit up. Like dont let the drunk chick play with fire and explosives. Common sense 101. I will fuck something up
Out of curiosity, do you feel happiness for you, or sadness for ME, that you are the only one I drunk text?
Stealing, and booze. If only you added meaningless sex with random people you would have wrapped all your life passions together
National champion athletes like gay butt sex, too. I'm just here to help them out.
I mean that was the nicest way to be dumped by some one I wasn't dating.
Randomize
