You're in luck. The brownies don't even have butter, just vege oil
You drinking a lot?
No.
Define a lot
I'm taking it from the chunk of pizza I just pulled out my hair that we ate pizza last night?
Not much, just your average college male Sunday cleaning period blood out of the carpet.
Tell me you're kidding.
Besides scarred, I'm not much of anything right now.
I broke up with him in the bar & then asked him if he wanted to have a contest to see who gets the most numbers. I say I took that break up well
I'm in the sex attic, crying, eating french toast and taco
I would like to apologize once again for rubbing your thigh with my hands and face for a very long time last night.
Some cougar Brit said she loved me. America is bouncing back.
Mike showed up naked and in handcuffs. Again. Feel free to come over and laugh because I'm not helping this time.
A blind man just put his face in my cleavage. I'm also crying.
You puked on the bar then proceeded to walk out. I told the bartender some girl walked up, puked and left and he gave me a free drink. Hope you got home safe.
That moment when your fucking in an airport bathroom and forget to lock the door. That poor man...scarred forever...
He asked me if I wanted to blow his whistle and proceeded to pull out an actual whistle.
2017 is my year to realize stuff. Move over Kylie Jenner
I'm sitting in the hospital with him while he's still half drunk with a busted leg because he thought he could do parkour off a rock
Randomize
