He could be your dad!
We discussed that right before he asked for my number
I would dunk an oreo in her breast milk
and in the morning, while we were eating breakfast, she was all " i think someone sneezed into my shirt..." she'll never know.
I don't know what happened last night but I woke up this morning with "wolf pack" tattooed on my knuckles.
I don't even have to sign up for karaoke at duncans anymore. The karaoke ppl just sign me up themselves. Without my consent. I also sang stacys mom to some lady named Stacy who's mom died yesterday.
They ran through the sprinklers in front of campus police, shirtless. Singing "love is a battlefield"
Do you think that we can get a group discount on liver transplants? We'll be like kids again!
It's only Tuesday and I just measured and checked to see if my 6'5 Friday booty call will fit in the back of my jeep comfortably.
Shit ive learned: when going out to a party, always wear a bathing suit underneath just in case theres a pool with a roof next to it
Get the fuck back here. Your brother taped bottle rockets to the front of his scooter and is bombing around screaming, "Rest in peace, Goose!"
I chatted up the pastor's son on Grindr during the service. Still ridiculing my decision to go to church this morning?
AND ONCE AGAIN, MY VAGINA HAS STRUCK AGAIN. HER PLANS TO TAKE OVER MARYLAND ARE WELL ON THEIR WAY AS SHE CONTINUES TO ENGULF EVERY QUEER IN A 10 MILE RADIUS
I'm at a sex party and there's a guy in an ICP jersey and trip pants. I see now that this is the moment in the movie of my life I recognize I have a problem
He shit in the fireplace
Let's just say I peed the bed last night, and I wasn't in it alone. Whoooops
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