I'm at a work party and I don't know how to drink socially. You know, like slow?
Encyclopedia Brown and the case of the missing condom.
I hope Brown isn't a clue to its whereabouts.
there should be a relationship option on facebook "stillllll in a relationship"
ya, but you'll graduate college with a higher education. I'm looking at at least two addictions, an abortion, and a few weeks jail time.
After I saw you grinding on that guy with your shirt completely unbuttoned, I figured it was time for pizza.
Just don't have "pin the tail on the straight edge" as a party game... Please and thanks...
I'm deleting all the photos of dicks off my phone. This relationship could be serious
He tried to fight me not realizing that I work as a bouncer in the the same bar we were in. His night ended with him in handcuffs, missing teeth, PLUS I got his shots that he ordered since he didn't get to drink them.
I dreamt of sea otters and your boobs. My two favorite things.
So this tall girl jumped in our cab and I was like hey I have pics of u on my phone. It wasn't creepy at all
We were hunting our best friend with a BB gun in the backyard. I'd say the vaporizer was a worthy investment at this point.
SERIOUSLY WHY DOES EVERYONE INSIST THAT THEY NEED TO SEE MY BOOBS
Because there's a shortage of perfect breasts in this world. You should start charging for viewings.
I hope Team Snapchat has been enjoying our sex snaps all this week.
Just called the boss a "cunt baguette". To her face. This is why I can't drink with people from work. Know of anywhere that's hiring?
Can't believe we're making vacation plans with the guy we had a threesome with
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