the red head has a bf
just because there's a goalie doesn't mean u can't score
I told my girl, that I use to jerk off to Star Trek. All she says is, "Oh my gawd, you're such a trekie!". If I was her, I'd be weirded out more than me being a Trek Fan.
I woke up with dick mouth, a raw vagina, an empty bottle of vodka and the best man next to me. I also found my thong by the pool. Best.Wedding.Ever.
I want to punch and suck your dick at the same time. I don't think we have the healthiest of relationships.
I can't remember if the bartender cut you off after you broke your glass or after you wished the bar a happy winter solstice during your karaoke number.
I'm going to text my booty call and tell him nevermind, that I got the job finished by myself. That will teach him to text back faster.
This lesson is brought you by a psychology class.
my memory may be fuzzy, but the 20+ naked pictures I sent him were surprising clear
I just recorded myself pooping, then uploaded to google drive, then connected to my pc through teamviewer then downloaded it, then played it to the living room while still pooping. God I love the internet.
Apparently I called him, said "vodka" and then hung up on him.
Dude, naked camping ALWAYS takes precedence. I would skip my own funeral to go naked camping.
Some girls wake up to good morning texts. I wake up to pictures of an angry Shrek getting a blowjob.
He's very cute and has a totally sit-able face.
He bedazzled a shirt for me that said "best head giver" should I be thankful for the gift or concerned that he has a bedazzler?
There's wine in the fridge here. You could leave school and we could get day drunk.
That's my favorite drunk.
Just flash them and yell "JUDGE THESE BITCHES"
Randomize
