she just uttered the sweetest sentence in the english language...my stripper friends are coming over
I just want dick. Yours just gets priority because it is glorious
raced the clock twice to day to see if i could get off before my computer died and before i left for my noon bar crawl... win, win
lets go back to having secrets in our friendship
$100 bras are my way of telling my boobs that I love and appreciate them, and all the metaphorical doors they have opened for me.
Just successfully went through airport security with shrooms. It's gonna be a fucking awesome new years
All three of them were helicoptering their dicks to persuade me to take my thong off
Night just started and I've already seen a woman headbutt a brick wall. Unintentionally. Epic to say the least
Sunrise bitch. You owe me waffles
and here comes the time of my day when I haw to convince a guy to drive my cape and my handle to my dorm.
How do I tell my hairdresser I want a hair style I saw in a porn video?
Before we have sex for the first time I would like "eye of the tiger" to be playing to mentally prepare me for what I'm about to endure.
We smoked a huge blunt and then laid in bed naked eating strawberry shortcake good humor bars. We have the perfect relationship.
You kept ripping all your clothes off and saying, "Let me be free!"
You can now call me Rabbi, and I can now perform weddings, funerals, and other services in all fifty states. You're welcome, world.
RESIST THE DICK
thats like telling me to resist drinking water. impossible.
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