Rooting for you and your team in the Beer Olympics this afternoon...! Love you, Mom
He walked me home last night across campus while i fed him pasta out of a solo cup at 3 am.
its preseason football. its like non alcoholic beer. who gives a fuck
He just compared himself to a majestic butterfly in regards to the lack of girlfriends. i don't even know what to say.
I repeat the shot was ON FIRE. I am never going to a pirate bar again.
Oh my fucking god I saw the pictures. What the mother fucking fuck. Destroy the pictures. Destroy the fucking pictures.
Please confirm the destruction of the pictures. NOW.
She asked if I could convince him so shave that shit off his face so he'll have a snowball's chance in hell of getting laid.
Just paid off my possession ticket on 4/20. Helloooo awesome.
Tid bit for you to add to your "what to expecting when you're expecting to lose your virginity" book... Sex on nyquil is cheaper and BETTER than sex on esctacy AND you sleep like a champ after so you're not able to think about any bad decisions made.
When he wears his hair down and sandals, he looks like Jesus. A Jesus I would fuck.
That's not what Jesus is for
ROB LOWE. SO BEAUTIFUL. SO DOUCHEY. SO HARD TO SPELL HIS NAME WHEN DRUNK.
You bring me burritos. Of course I text you during sex
I felt like I crashed a wedding. Everyone was dressed so nice and I was covered in actual dirt and a little blood.
You know what would have been funny if we got arrested last night? The inventory search of the lock box:\n\nContents:\n1 work ID\n1 33 round Glock magazine\n1 set of keys\n1 vibrator\n2 bags fruit snacks\n1 parking hang tag
His parents bailed him out, the police said they found him on a curb trying to call people on his wallet, hahha. He had his wallet open to his ear callin people
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