I just got stood up by an 18 yr old. fmylife.
I just farted so loud that my cat got so scared he fell off the couch.
im covered in puffy paint and glitter i cant find kevin and im wearing shoes that dont belong to me....come get me please
Just topless shotgunned a bud light alone. I am about to peer mentor the shit out of these freshmen.
Drunk. I slept-stripped.
By myself.
you called her butter tits and then threw up in your cup. i dont know if theres any way to come back from that
I told him if I was pregnant we were coming out to the people at work, because I'm not pretending to get knocked up by an imaginary boyfriend.
IF I CAN STICK YOUR DICK IN MY MOUTH, I CAN STICK MY GUM ON YOUR NIGHTSTAND.
I didn't realize how drunk I was until my vagina was in the snow.
My drug dealer just made me weigh out my own weed because he was in the middle of taking his law enforcement final
He threw a twenty at the stripper and asked for change
well did he get it
....yes
Can you not touch my dick while I'm holding a gecko?
To be honest, the last time I saw him he had a jesus costume on telling people to pray to his bible.
So he's at the chuch?
No, hooters.
Want to sleep. Also want to see Alex on MDMA doing really stupid shit. Choices...
I'm like the total package- I don't want a relationship and I have daddy issues. What more could he want?
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