I'm eating all of the evidence.
I'm going to save the lime from my McDonald's salad to use in my Corona later tonight.
I'm on a cruise to the Bahamas and this text message is gunna cost me $10 but I need you to pray on my behalf for the things I'm about to do these 2 girls and what I did last night to a 35 year old mother of 3.
So I woke up today with someone's door knob in my pocket. I hope everbody else got out of the house ok.
I tapped out to boredom. She bought me a full meal at Subway. Two tap beers and a pretty weak long island iced tea. I'm five dollars cheaper to fuck than she is.
I honestly get shocked all over again every time I pull his pants down. It's one of those feelings you never get tired of.
Just wana tell you im wearing assless jorts tonight. Ive been waiting my whole life for this.
I gave you a 45 minute blowjob. You were inside me for 3 minutes. I'm going to need you to get your shit together.
God forbid we drive unregistered mopeds without license plates on a pedestrians only sidewalk without goggles while flipping off passing cars.
You went around chanting "dinosaur period" and drinking tomato soup from the can.
DONT EVER DUNK OREOS INTO WINE . NEVER
Doc gave me something stronger than Xanax. The pills have your last name imprinted on them. This cannot be coincidence.
She's working this semester. Her dad saw he was listed as 'the atm' on her phone and cut off tuition for three months.
It wasn't a basement apartment, it's his parents basement. And he wanted to show me his pet tarantula collection. I NOPED THE FUCK OUT!
It's after midnight. I didn't find the answer to my problem, but I did find the bottom of a bottle of vodka, so... there's that.
Randomize
