I dont know how to say this. But the hottest girl where im at has one arm.
I gave him head while he watched NASCAR. My future flashed before my eyes.
He threw up. He never throws up. It was like finding out superman cant fly anymore. I was so sad for him.
You said my dick was impressive. You thank someone when they say that. My momma raised a gentleman.
I'll do a soapy photo shoot for you in the shower. No loofas, though. Once you get one of those caught in your nipple ring, you never go back.
He peed in the bird bath. Those birds are gonna be pissed
I'm covered in European cum. How's your day going?
he shit on the floor last night i'm not venturing down there
I was looking at our sex bingo and pretty much every single row or column has at least one kind of person that is harder to find than all the rest
We've made things harder for ourselves
The struggle will be part of the fun
Just keep in mind that she didn't start telling you you had the largest penis she had ever seen until AFTER she found out about your multi-million-dollar trust fund.
The album on my phone containing gross pictures to send when boys ask for nudes is now substantially larger than my normal photo album. Because I send one every night
Would it be sad if I made a blanket fort to get drunk in till the power came back?
Video footage says last night I reincarnated as stripper Shania Twain... Man, I feel like a (slutty) woman.
I mean, I'm shallow, narcissistic, and selfish, but I'm an amazing friend sometimes
Cocaine bath bombs are a really bad idea
Randomize
