Riddle me this. What had unbelievable sex, and finally understands the meaning that things come better in pairs?
I hate you
I wish we never smoked. I'm literally laying in bed opening and closing my eyes, just hoping a hot dog stand will appear in the room.
she's like bobby knight all she does is scream and point
This can't be good. I've realized that I weigh less in the morning after I have had a blackout drunk night than when I work out and eat healthy.
Good lord, they've set up every firework to be ignited by a trail of gasoline at midnight. God save us all.
Girl passed out in class and vomited. Another victim of syllabus week
Is it 3pm? Or am I losing my mind because it's pickled in vodka and diet coke?
I world jack off literally anyone now that I'm not related to.
Take your time. I'm mowing the lawn. In the dark. Drunk.
I just fell out of my doorway to go to class so if that doesn't describe how my night went idk what will
I don't remember much, but I remember he called me the dick whisperer, so it must not have been all bad.
Made out with some dude at the bar last night. Was fun until he thought bohemian rhapsody was by The Who
My sack is cleanly shaven and the rest of my body has been manscaped. i even put aftershave on my junk. i feel sleek like a fighter jet right now.
You should have just fucked me in the bathroom when you had a chance!
Hangover and judgement, the breakfast of champions.
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