seriously this is one of those moments where im glad i dont really talk to or know the people i sleep with
Well said.
Goddamn it, are you fucking her sister?
did you know it's going to storm tonight?
You bitch. At least tell Laura she's a better kisser.
I just foul balled at work. I had taken off my coat too… had to go to the sink wash my hands then go back to the stall and pick up my coat. I hope the guy shitting in the stall next to me didn’t figure out what happened.
i paused nhl 10 while i jerked off and it was like a crowd was cheering me on
that sweater is a total boner killer. you might as well be wearing a wedding dress.
flashcards smell like vodka and my textbook is in the toilet. ready for the final
You ended at least 6 stories with "and that's why I don't snort coke anymore"
Just assessed the damage in the bath. Two love bites. One bruise on the inner thigh. Strange awareness of what i'm assuming is my cervix. I've definitely missed you. x
A piece of cheeseburger just fell between my tits. Consider this a "wish you were here" postcard.
OK. i'm going to add "riddle me this, brodawg" to the list of things i'm never gonna say to my boss again while i'm high.
Just recreated a sandwich from the caf in my own kitchen. Graduation denial at it's finest.
I think this bruise on my arm is actually an impression of your face
Me too like the fact they didn't arrest me wants to send them an edible arrangement
I just googled, "what type of cured meat does my face taste like", and one of the top results was, "The Definitive Guide to Bacon." I couldn't make this up if I tried.
The hump and dump is a beautiful thing
Randomize
