The two bassists just totally made out. I NEED MENNA'S RIGHT now.
I am slurping my drink like I am going to the electric chair
She rubs her butt on the bed & then she growls..
The seats are awesome but you see two of each player.
How do i write this on his wall without making it sound like he gave me an std?
look, i dont wanna be "that girl" but if someone offers me coke in exchange for sex, i cant say no.
No it's ok. I made friends with the guy that always wears helmets to the bar. His name is helmet Harry
We told our cab driver we'd give him 3 grand if he pit maneuvered you guys in your cab.
I thought turtle was a code word for weed until he pulled out a baby turtle from his pocket and said "$20 for a turtle"
I went home with a guy last night because he showed me some magic tricks and kept shouting "THEY'RE ILLUSIONS MICHAEL!"
Having to grow a landing strip to cover the bruises from pole dancing. Thanks for the birthday present, but next time, maybe just a gift card?
Hopefully my orange shoes will distract people's attention from my crippling awkwardness
I had a flashback of using my sock as a napkin after we got taco bell
So this is what bad decisions tastes like...
He went three whole days without making a star wars reference, of course he got sex
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