Well yesterday i made out with the entire football team and rifht at this very moment our waiter looks like a ken doll. Straight up. And he gave me wine so ill probly make out with him
college has opened so many doors for you
Is it a bad thing that the only time i wear nice clothes to class, is when i get too fucked up the night before and wear the same clothes i went out in?
Her face was so far in my boobs, I didn't think she'd make it out. She took it like a man. She's a real trooper.
Still in Rome. Hooked up with frat boy from SoCal that's studying abroad. He said he was 1/8 italian. I'll take it.
we can't get the sharpie off the toilet seat from where you pressed your forearm with THUG LIFE written on it while you puked until 3 last night
I remember trying to cut the power to a house I thought was "too bright to understand the meaning of christmas". Pretty sure I blacked out down the street.
Would "deck the halls with penises " be an appropriate event title? I know peni is the plural but flow of the tongue as well
She's on her way over to shave my year round sweater vest into a festive argyle sweater vest. Keeper?
He was humming "here comes Peter cottontail" while unbuttoning his pants. Happy Easter to me
The problem with having sex on the couch is that your blanket ends up in the laundry and you're left cold on the couch the next day.
It looks like you got dick slapped by the sandman..
I don't need no damn man when I have the cock-a-nator 2000.
ANIME MEN ARE MAKING ME QUESTION MY SEXUALITY AGAIN
I'm basically the yoda of knowing when someone wants to sleep with you
You asked me if I ever met a talking rock and when I said no, you looked me dead in the eye and said today was my lucky day then you crawled into a ball and started talking...that high.
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