My BOSS just pulled out a box of Christmas stuff labeled reefs.
My main thought on the Olympics: I need LESS cowbell.
I find it ironic that im starting my birth control on mothers day.
i just successfully used the word "hymen" in a paper...welcome to senior seminar in lit.
maybe if i keep dancing i won't throw up
i promise ill be ok...btw im only considered "not ok" if i end up in the hospital.
It took me 6months to figure out that he only had one testicle.
The guy at the Apple store said the warranty does NOT cover getting cum out of the keyboard. I can't believe I believed you.
if it doesnt flame it aint got game is a bad drinking motto eyebrow-wise.
eyebrows regrow, your balls dont
I'm wearing fairy wings and I broke my wizard staff. If this isn't the most happy but sad moment of my life , I don't know what is.
I just watched a stripper purchase $43 of Rockstar and corn nuts. Godamnit! We need helmet cams.
Let us ponder on the good times. Ya know when the Jonas brothers were incapable of growing facial hair and I didn't fully understand what a dick looks like
Currently looking up Winnie-the-Pooh porn.
Dude, who WASN'T thinking of motorboating her?
I am watching the most amazing drunk person ever. Literally such a trooper that you can put anything in front of him he'll drink it. His latest reason for taking another shot was: well whatever. I'm never gonna get married anyway.
Randomize
