And then I have a slight inkling that I went up to the bar and tried to order the bartender.
you really dont want me to drink and drive. you saw what i did to my face and that was only from walking
just found out this city drinks more beer during oktoberfest than rhode island does in a year.. i'm never leaving
I want an alcoholic time machine so we could skip to new years eve
Playing hide and seek with all those cheeseburgers... Not our finest moment.
If you invite me to a bar tonight my liver will kick you in the testicles
I punted my pants across my apt at my roommate last night. Everything else is kinda fuzzy.
Like real life can suck my metaphorical dick right now.
I am going to tweet NASA until they put me into space
Those rocketship riding assholes need the common man
He FaceTimed me fucking his new girlfriend. He was wearing a banana costume.
Do you think I can get away with quoting Work Bitch by Britney Spears in my speech?
So is the trick to long distance communication to be drunk during phone conversations?
New guy moved in the apartment next door. He's a combat vet, 6'4", Adonis body and going to med school. My vagina is chewing thru the wall as we speak.
Sorry about my sloppy drunk texts. I'm not sure talking about banging a near dead Jimmy Stewart was my finest moment
I got drunk off three vodka cranberry’s and told him to “WWE raw dog me.” Fucking kill me.
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