So i decided to deal with the awkwardness of last night by making out with all three of them
I though she ruined it by crying, then I realized it wasn’t a tear, it was my great aim. It turned out to be beautiful.
The solution to mudbutt is never ever Clorox wipes. It stings soooooooo bad.
If I remember who won the superbowl tomorrow morning.. I think I'm just going to quit drinking. There really won't be a point anymore
Do you have any idea how hard it is to concentrate on legal issues with the ghost of his giant penis in me?
230 lb girl across the train from me is giving a dude in a kilt a handjob while he sits in her lap
theres 2 cans of open Campbell's soup on the counter and a note that says "guess which one is puke" ... want lunch?
She's legally too young to drink and was making out with a guy who is ethically too old to drink.
i may or may not be making depth charges with cough syrup. i'll call you if i survive.
ARTHUR IS ON FUCKING NETFLIX THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
I raged so hard that I was so hungover today I threw up out of a car window going 50mph cause my parents didn't pull over quick enough ...sorry to the people behind us
Haha never eat brownies from a guy with batman pajamas
I'll do my best. he just keeps yelling beer and doing dick helicopters
She thinks you guys are the gods of the bathroom. If she runs past you naked, give me a heads up
I danced my ass off after the funeral last night. Kept dropping it low and I can feel it in my legs today. Im like shit I needa go work out
What a way to honor the dead
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