She told me she got a 15 on her A.C.T.. that's when I knew it was a done deal.
Call me immediately, my only recent boy news involves me biting a dick.
I've realized that you're the only friend i can rely on to drink with me any given day. i thank you for that.
If I weren't her cousin I'd take advantage of her and this low point in her life.
Apparently I used ziplock bags to smuggle my drink out with. By pouring it in one, then cut the corner like it was an icing bag later that night. What is wrong with me?
If I take diet pills with my edibles I'll be a perfect person
well in the interest of full disclosure I have been using a used kfc spork as a buttscratcher for a month
I imagine my service panda will provide sufficient protection. At the very least it will be an irresistible cuddly distraction while I make good my escape.
Didn't get carded at the bar. We're getting wasted and then walking over to Bass Pro Shops to watch the indoor ducks swim around. And possibly buying a tent.
I can't remember much from that party after we snapchatted my dancing boobs to all of her contacts
Well I woke up and my arm was bleeding. And my blood is on the wall in the hallway.
Umm
No idea. I blame fireball.
Valid.
if you were broke and planning on using koolaid as a tequila chaser which flavor would you pick?
Remember that Czech tennis player I brought home from beer pong and banged on your couch last year? He just booty calle me. From the Czech Republic.
Dude you came into the room last night soak and wet and told me you just took a shit in the shower
Of course you try to burn the house down on the one night we take down the smoke alarm so we can use the fog machine more
Randomize
