i just walked outside for a cigarette and three men walked by in glitter heels and gold shiny thongs. god i love chicago
Note to self: when drunk try to remember that ctrl, alt and dance doesnt exist on a keyboard.
Just saw a girl leaving CVS on her bike with a case of beer. She tried to ride one handed with the case under her other arm and fell over off the sidewalk. I'm glad to see someone else's life is a bigger joke than mine.
"Not only do I bring a guy back to my hotel room....But I bring one back for my friend who's passed out drunk. Now that's what we call BESTfriends"
cheating on your boyfriend is the best diet ever, I've barely eaten in days. The guilt is killing me
Somebodaw call 311 postw fire bunso on vietena floorwnkd
You rode him down the last flight of stairs like a human sled.
On that note I give you a 10 for sticking the landing and staying on the whole ride.
No, we got so into acting out our role play characters we didn't even fuck. still sucess.
how do you always get into these "we banged the same dude now lets be friends" situations???
well some coke just fell out of my nose in my partners meeting so i'd say my day's off to a fantastic start
Don't mention it
Just endorse me for cunnilingus on LinkedIn
If you had been home 20 minutes ago, you probably would've caught me masturbating, so it might be for the best.
I'm sorry I tried to spit drugs down your throat like a baby bird last night.
Don't do him, he's a Dolphins fan! A FUCKING DOLPHINS FAN!
I smell Vodka. It's me. If anyone asks it's totally hand sanitizer.
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