drank two beers while on the toilet at home during lunch break. new high or new low, not sure
Is it sad I memorized the exact change required for a #7 at Wendy's?
she definitely has that "I'll bang you, but then I'll tell your girlfriend" look to her.
just woke up in the hotel with gummi bears all around me and someone took the tv
we took the tv and as for the gummi bears don't eat them you put em in her vagina
Things found in my vomit last night: cell phone, Von Hayes rookie card, a boot, my dignity
Don't get the hula weed. It makes you sleep walk in destructive and confusing ways. I'll explain on Saturday.
oh dont worry, my liver will give out way before i get skin cancer
Well she just peed in a pot and is now trying to boil it
I'm going to text my booty call and tell him nevermind, that I got the job finished by myself. That will teach him to text back faster.
This lesson is brought you by a psychology class.
life lesson #151: dont let people go batshit crazy and stab you in the knee
i will live by this rule
IM NOT TALKING TO YOU UNTIL YOU MAKE A PROCLAMATION YOU LOVE ME MORE THAN TACOS
Nothing tops off the night like giving emotional and spiritual guidance to a 70 year old transvestite.
First contact since we had sex and it's to get my HBO password. I sure pick winners huh
I'm just glad I met someone who probably won't punch you in the face
dude can you explain to me why i woke up on your sisters floor with moutain dew and chips everywhere
i dont know im at your house.
Randomize
