Too bad my picture didn't come thru. It was one of me naked riding a unicorn with a wizard hat and a magic staff. And the unicorn had wings. And me too.
in the middle of sex he stopped to tell me that he loved me... then slapped my ass and told me "back to business"... im gonna marry him
i knew it was going to be a good night when i was bleeding, licked it and it tasted like miller light
For a second, I wondered if I could smoke pizza.
He warned me he may piss the bed. I'm oddly okay with this.
My head weighs 7 pounds. i know this because i spent the majority of the night passed out in the bathroom, using the scale as a pillow.
I just got a booty call..Its 6 pm..a brave attempt to climb the rotation ladder..I like his ambition.
You were with some girl. Your exs best friend. Your shirt was half undone and she was telling you to put your penis away. It wasn't out but you wanted to. Patron is your weaknes.
He only talks to me during the summer and it's probably because I let him fuck me in my pool last year.
You know, last years football game was epic, but seeing the same girl that gave you a bj in the parking lot, in the same parking spot...that's fate.
It's official. This guy and I are going gay for each other. We're tasting the fucking rainbow.
I just busted my piggy bank to afford McDonald's. This is my personal cry for help.
Please don't tell me that blonde guys name is Matthew I won't be able to fuck a guy with my brothers name
It would be magical, all 2 min of it.
All I remember is being in the middle of the road puking and my bestfriend cheering me on from the passenger seat...
Randomize
