His drunken night ended with a "car accident" which really meant he was stuck in a toy car and pushed down the steps.
She called herself a train and then took off all her clothing. I forget everything after that.
I saw you two flinging Jello at the sidewalk if that helps jog your memory.
I'm honestly too sad to drink and hang out with strippers. This breakup sucks.
He was the drug dealer that jumped out of his car to get my number
Looking for the remote in the couch. Finding Adderall beads. Considering utilizing.
I hope you don't have to start the day explaining to me how you failed to turn "Can I practice my belly dancing in your apartment" into all night sex.
I totally just somersaulted to the bathroom to avoid moving out of my fetal position
I don't know if I should be concerned or impressed.
When was the last time you made a good decision when you could've made a shitty one
I had a salad today
Screwed a girl without a condom but hey at least you got your veggies
My dad just saw me take dirty one night stand underwear out of my purse. I'm willing to admit I have a problem
Okay. So I've done lines off a bible. But that's just for the sake of being cliché.
I slid a quarter down a drunk man's butt crack last night. Qdoba gets rowdy
is 250 jello shots considered an open container?
Just had a small freak out because I couldn't get my bra unhooked and thought I was gonna be stuck in it forever.
Woke up in my boxers on a subway with a phone number written on my arm in lipstick..Best Night EVER.
Aiming to get laid tonight but if it falls thru I'm either gonna make a mixtape for my sugar daddy or sew a teddy bear for his newborn
Randomize
