it's my fault, I passed out instead of getting up to pee.
you dont want to live with me, im always naked, a chronic masturbator, a bit of a voyeur and will likely touch you while you sleep. ps- i can pick locks
Ways to know you did something wrong: you sugar-coated it for your therapist.
Next time i try to unbutton my R.A's shirt with my teeth, please stop me
No promises.
You kept challenging people to a cartwheel contest...when someone finally agreed, you cartwheeled into some chicks face, then tried to propose to her as an apology. Fyi, she said no
Oh my God, that is a gorgeous man. And I wasn't even gay until five minutes ago.
Never use fire and ice condoms with a dude who always claims he "didn't know it was the wrong hole"
I just told a bottle to be chill
and meant it
Driving from bar to bar trying to recover all of the possessions I've drunkenly lost over the course of the past few nights. Actual nadir of my life and absolute height of shamblyness.
Props for using the word nadir
I am so not sober enough to have a 5 minute conversation in Spanish
There was one thing about my NYC trip I forgot to tell you: I took a dump in Trump Tower
Pretty sure I have a sex related back injury. I'm not sure if I should be proud or ashamed.
Ehh, the third backed out. Two still isn't bad. Who gets a bootycall to pick them up from a bootycall's house anyways? Only me.
I'm drunkenly throwing popcorn at a spider, fuck him. Why does his scary 8 legs get to be happy?
Drunk. Send nudes. Just curious.
Randomize
