apparently i'm not the first person wake up and realize she's ugly cuz i tore this house apart and there is no sign of my clothes
Does this mean you'll turn into an Albanian at the next full moon?
its no coincidence her full name and "cling" are the same in t9
Im forcing mysellf to pee so i can fit more margaritas in me...
I want a picture of impoverished children wearing Oregon national champions shirts.
Yes, I feel sorry for the tribe that gets those. They won't be able to hide from the lions.
It's my diet secret . . . it's like slimfast but I call it cockfast instead.
there is a strobe light in my taxi. in what way is this safe.
He wanted to have sex in a church because he has keys to it from court-ordered community service. WHAT IS STANDARDS?
DAMMIT Im supposed to be running a company not discussing dick piercings!
I'm over my straight phase. They all turned out to be idiots and none of them got me off. I'm going back to hot girls with strap ons.
You have no idea the kind of bodily contortions I had to do to access your neighbor's WIFI
Next time I take edibles I'm getting chipotle to cater the event
Should I be flattered that she mumbled "You're the king of my face" before passing out?
We had sex on a couch that was held together by Velcro. Want to know an unsexy sound? Velcro ripping apart under your bare ass.
We're in an alley with a psychic wizard, shes reading our palms
Randomize
